3.July – Badbyes

I think that young Michael had it right.

I never can say goodbye, those goodbye’s are in actuality badbye’s – to my detriment i hold on to people that shouldn’t be held on to. to my detriment i allow the lingering sensation of “what if’s” as it pertains to keeping people in my life.  i believe people will be my demise. i love hard. i love with a sense that all that i believe should be….and when it isn’t – my soul crawls into a corner and weeps – in this weeping my tangible reaction is to salvage what has been deemed lost. this is bad.

how does one move on when you’ve anchored part of yourself in someone – and they have  left their fingerprints all over your heart. people affect us in so many ways. And please don’t think that this relational rant is all about the him & her.  There are many male friends that i love dearly and are no longer present – we never said goodbye – but absence implies everything – lack of attempt, being dismissive and abandoning cultivation of relationship is almost worse than saying goodbye – because closure is open.

how do we close on closure? – they say time heals wounds…but time also makes the heart grow fonder….this is conflicting – so i’ll just conclude that time is irrelevant.  we find closure by deciding to close. even if our minds ring with their voice, smell and personality – we decide to close – even when we don’t have words to say, so our body speaks for us through the voice of tears – we close.

goodbyes are hard

lacking definition is harder

yearning is the hardest

badbyes

– ken

One thought on “3.July – Badbyes

  1. Badbyes….INDEED. ONE DAY…ONE DECISION TO CLOSE…AT A TIME. Conscious piece….thank you.

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