All of the mornings together bring you to a point – as the sun slowly makes her appearance at a horizon near you…you roll out of bed and stumble into your morning with zombie-like enthusiasm. At some point in the morning you manage to look at yourself in the reflective glass – what are your thoughts? Are they haunted by a withered and welted past that the breeze of the present whistles past your nostrils, and you smell the subtle stench of darkness? Well I for one, am one of those that seem to live everyday life in a lucid nightmare that I mask with quick humor and wit – – anecdotes cloud my speech and popular waves of happenings are the thrust of conversation. Who shall I let in? Will those that have experienced the “polished ken” become apprehensive when they gaze upon the sub-human that decays behind a smile? Who shall I let in? Surely vulnerability will not cloak me and keep me warm in the cold judgment of the gazers.
I let them in – I kick them out. I let them in, I kick them out.
I have it figured out – about as much as quantum physics…I shall Lovemyselfhard – nooooooooooo that isn’t a poetic way to say I will indulge in a one player sensual RPG…but a decision to be ok with the rotted meat wrapped around bone – the dark and alone thoughts that leak into the soulish realm of my existence only to be labeled by some as a clinical emotion defect. I am ok – I think I am qualified to suggest such. BUT i shall soon come to attempt to exercise these angels that reside in me – partially spiritually and partially mentally – professional to say the least.
My shovel has no handle – so when I dig deep with the blade in hand it may appear shallow – but I only do what I can with what tool I have. I know I may appear shallow but sometimes the words escape me to communicate the depth at which I hurt. Closed eyelids can’t show the darkness that lies within…and through this, I shall always choose to love myself – which is the thin line between those that can’t walk through the darkness and carry the blade – so they self medicate by checking out early through a more *forever* method – to those that think upon this on occasion…I implore you to fall in love with yourself – for in those moments you realize that you do love yourself, and healthy self-relationship exists…then in the wake of terror, and when those first sun beams stretch into your morning …..you look yourself in the mirror and choose to love yourself enough to breath another day –
Love thyself Hard