So, I haven’t posted in a while, because I have been busy with shows, auditions, and recovering from all of those. Even as I type this now, I am on vocal rest because I strained my voice and I have an audition in a few hours. GREAT! This inspired me to bring you NON-performers into my world…I decided to give you a bit of information that will help you better understand all your friends who are actors, dancers, vocalists, musicians, and all artists in general. I feel that this will help you appreciate what it is we go through on a daily basis. It will also help me from kickin your ass when you ask me dumb questions.
1) No, this is not a “hobby” or an “interest”, this is my REAL JOB! I know in high school, there was drama club, show choir, and band and these things were what YOU did (or tried to do and your access was denied because you’re talentless) to fill in your spare time. But I’m not 16 anymore…I have decided to pursue this as a career. I want to bring art to the masses. I love what I do, I do what I love, and I hate desks and all things desk related. I train, I practice, I work, and I get PAID to do this.
2) I probably do more work during a 2.5-hour show than you do all week. You sit at a desk and play Candy Crush Saga all day…I am either singing for hours on end or dancing the countless moves of choreography until the audience is satisfied. There is no half-assin’ because you were hungover the day before from an office party or because your car died. YOU GET TO WORK AND DO WORK until you pass out or need a defibrillator.
3) No, I don’t have weekends or PTO or Vacation Time. If I am in a show, that means that probably 6 days out of the week, I am on stage…sometimes, we do the same show twice in one day…crazy right? I can’t “call off” for random road trips or weddings, or baby showers, or card parties. I have to know like 6 months in advance damn near. No I don’t want to kick it with you after my shows, no I don’t want to go to the midweek box social, I want to have a cup of Jameson and pass out and hope I have enough Icy Hot to get me through the run of this show.
4) Insurance? What’s that? Why don’t you just go to the doctor if you’re sick? Why are you always taking herbs and drinking tea? BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE INSURANCE!!! If I do, it’s because I spend half of my check to pay a monthly premium. EVEN when I’m not in a show…so either you buy me some ginger or STFU.
5) No, I probably won’t answer your phone call. I use my voice all day. Why do you insist on making me use it when I don’t have to do so? Just answer my damn text! I promise I will text you right back, are your fingers tired from playing Candy Crush all day? (See number 2).
6) No I don’t have any money for that. While I do get paid for this…until I blow up or at least become very well established in the industry or find a part-time gig that doesn’t require me to lift boxes, pick up dog shit, or sell my ovaries…it is a very humble salary…so no, I can’t go to Vegas, Mexico, or London. You’re lucky, if I can get enough money in my gas tank to get to Milwaukee. And I’m only going there to AUDITION!
7) You’re always with your theater friends. You know why? Because I don’t have to explain #1-6 to them…Good day.