30.July { EMO THO }

560059_10151892372622738_364592527_n

I hid my deepest feelings so well I forgot where I placed them.

– Amy Tan, Saving Fish from Drowning

This is a thing.

This is a very dangerous thing actually.  Hiding things so deep, that it’s hard to find them and deal with them.  Then they fall down into the foundation of your very being and begin to affect all things that flow from you.

Doing this – would explain why sometimes you’re just melancholy, and down for seemingly no reason.  There’s a reason – you just can’t find it – and you can’t find it because you hid it.  We hide these things because we don’t trust people with them anymore.  We don’t trust people anymore because people trivialize our struggle. And in doing that, in order to survive we suppress the struggle for the sake of survival…and it ends up being our emotional demise anyway.

Can I trust you with my struggle?

Who can you trust with yours?

– Kenneth

 

 

 

 

 

 

30.July { Complexity of Manhood

545988_10151887679467738_1658373673_n

There lies a balance that men are expected to hold. The balance of being a Navy SEAL combined with the tenderness of Ralph Tresvant…well Ralph might be a little too “wet bread” for some of the ladies liking, but maybe in the range of a Maxwell. The “good” men are able to identify with these areas within self and allow them to surface when needed. The thugs can’t seem to find that tender love switch, and the weak men (as some women may deem it necessary to refer to a man as such) find it difficult to find their DMX mask.

As much as men are expected to allow the woman in their lives to liberated in being themselves and embracing their beauty – I feel that this liberty should be reciprocated. No one should be subjected to these gender roles in a relationship. Just understand your partner and flow.

If anyone knows me well, then you’ll know that I’m not the guy that’s going to pick up a tool and start putting things together. If something is broke – I call someone. That’s why I get paid right?

On the surface someone would judge me, and ask me what type of man I was. In response to that dumb question I would reply with “a damn good one”. I’m also a man that had some issues growing, up that directly impacted my want or interest in being handy. It’s a more deep-rooted issue than just “manning-up” and doing what men are supposed to do.

I’m always concerned with my bravado, as well and my sensitivity. The complexity lies in when to shift, and who to shift for.

– Kenneth

29.July { Christian Monarchs }

cropped-IMG_0012.jpg

3……2……1…..and release.

Please note that these views will probably upset you – especially if the shoe fits.  All I can recommend is that either you stop reading and go get some business – OR – make sure you have a bangin outfit to match said shoes.

One thing that keeps me away from a lot of church folk is the royal and majestic treatment of clergy, who in my biblical opinion should be resting in humility and servitude.  Instead I’ve been around preachers that have secret service and indentured servants that elevate these people above the actual Christ.  Think about how advanced some of these circles would be if they actually served the Lord the way they serve some of the people.  I’m sorry – but i seem to recall Christ himself saying not to even call him ‘teacher’ – but mess around and not call someone Bishop or Pastor…or don’t give them their rightful honor….and you might be deemed someone being used by the enemy.  My bad – pardon me for not paying homage to your Pharisee that you have presiding over your cult.

Do you honestly think these people have a spiritual authority over you that supercedes that which the helper has?  The ekklesia is indeed handicapped in some communities because the people are not empowered or discipled correctly.  More often than not – they are swaddled and conditioned to rely on the teet of the person that is called to be the only teacher, speaker in the house.  And because of that the ministry takes on the characteristics of the personality of the “head” of the that church and not the true head and cornerstone; Christ.

I remember when i was very active in teaching, and at the time serving in a pastoral role – just because i came in dressed NOT like the others – then church staffs would kind of treat you with a little attitude.   This was perfectly fine by me – I preferred it that way…then as soon as someone called me “Pastor Ken” then they wanted to roll out the proverbial red carpet for a brotha….I’m cool on that…I’m just a regular dude that has been graced to teach.  Keep the carpet for the Sanhedrin.

This is a plea to those that are charged to do the work.  STOP.   Get off of your throne that sits in the center of your pulpit…and serve the people.

– Kenneth

28.July { 2 Cops and LT Heinz; Badge #698 }

545988_10151887679467738_1658373673_n

There are 2 cops that I have a lot of love for…only 2 though.  My bro-law; Willis, and my Bro-from-another-mother; Stevie D.  All of the other cops make my stomach turn and give me the runs – I guess I’m cop intolerant.

My issues with the police are not solely based on the ridiculous things they get away with – like…I don’t know… killing people and the only punishment they get is their badge taken away and stuck on desk duty.  My issues come from personal encounters of the 4th kind.

In the past 2 months alone I’ve been harassed by the boys in blue – I know what you’re thinking “what were you doing wrong?” – NOTHING. NOTHING.  NOTHING.  NOTHING.  NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING.

I know the cry of most guilty is “I didn’t do it!”  – but this is not the cry of the guilty.  This is coming from a man with all of his faculties, and enough wherewithal to remain law abiding.

Which leads me to my last little situation – with LT Heinz of the San Diego Police Department that works down in Chula Vista – Badge #698.  That literally tried to arrest me for nothing…long story short – because I was doing nothing wrong he told me that if i said another word he was going to arrest me.  After I told him how absurd he was in trying to keep me from my right to talk (and mind you i was not provoking him) …then told me he was going to arrest me for being “drunk and disorderly” – funny thing there was…I WAS NOT DRUNK AT ALL, IN THE LEAST BIT…..my BAC would’ve been like negative 18 million or some crap like that.

See, his problem was that he thought he was running up some riff-raff, but he was sadly mistaken.  I filed a complaint about his harassment, but I have little to no faith that anything will be done about it.  LT Heinz is still driving the streets of SD…acting like King Kong doesn’t have anything on him.

We need a balance system for local law enforcement, they should not be able to do anything they want to do.  It’s getting out of hand, and I seriously rack my gorgeous mind about ways we can get a handle on these civil service bandits.

There should be NO reason why a professional man, that does not commit crimes get nervous around cops, because I believe at any moment they can spazzzzz out and accuse me of anything they want –  and then inevitably choke me to death.

– Ken the innocent.

**RIP to all of those killed by cops, and prayers for those falsely accused by the cops, arrested and found guilty to further support and push systematic oppression in privatized prisons for cheap and free labor.**

26.July – { Burn Out } by Gabriel Owens

1897661_10202103776489166_346581093_n

I have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, an Imessage chat with 7 other folks going, IRC, plus a dozen others probably (hell, I think my MySpace is still around, and every time I’m on Google or Gmail it reminds me I have a Google + account).

And folks, I’m a little burnt out.

I think interests can come and go in phases. I was all about the SM stuff, dutifully checking my big three at least (the booking, the twittering, the tumbling), then slowly, I was checking them less and less. Lately Facebook gets a cursory glance usually in the morning or while I’m taking my constitutional, Tumblr ever so often at night if I can’t find anything good on YouTube to watch, and twitter barely ever (except maybe live tweeting UFC).

Maybe it’s just too time consuming. I go home and it’s all about my kid until bedtime. After that I catch up on my shows, or play a video game. My phone is where I do most of anything with SM anymore, hell, work blocks Tumblr and FB can barely run on the antiquated version of IE we are forced to use. And, you know, I have to work.

And I think…I’m just bored. It’s the same old stuff. People reposting and regurgitating tired memes, bad political crap, news I’ve already seen elsewhere.   Sometimes an interesting comment conversation on FB will draw me in, and I still get a laugh from some of the clever people on the Tumbls.

But for the most part, I just don’t got the time or interest right now. Maybe my interests will pick up again. But for now, it feels like I’m a different person than just at the beginning of the year.

I’ll still be around. I’m not going to turn into one of those “too cool for school” anti SM guys, that’s just obnoxious. But for now, I’ll be skimming.

–  Gabe out

26.July { Bougie Ratchet Manifesto } part 1: the conflict

560059_10151892372622738_364592527_n

this will be a series of posts…sorta like my “ken’s honest attempt at fathering”

I want to venture into my inner-conflict of thug-like, male-ratchet bravado versus progressive black bougie wine snob.

this conflict really surfaces in the workplace – where i have to be professional, but am constantly faced with situations for my inner 2Pac to rise up and put hands on people.  I really don’t know why people test others…everyone has a past – lol.

the conflict is real when there’s an event at work and fried chicken is served and the progressive black within me scoffs at the idea of eating fried chicken around others, in fear of reinforcing what i “think” they think of me anyway….instead – I’ll just sip some water and get the salad that has cranberries in it – while judging the other blacks that decide to smash the chicken anyway – I secretly envy their liberty.

the conflict finds me when I’m giving someone an earful on systematic oppression and the means to progress as a culture…and then someone plays 2 Chains in the background, and all of a sudden my mouth waters for a 5th of Henny, and craps sounds like the best idea for an afternoon activity.

No matter where I find myself – the scent of Bradley and McKinley Housing projects will be there.  It will rest in my core.   And at the same dang time, I work hard to maintain my half-a-mil dollar home in the burbs, fill my wine cabinets, and look for a chance to have day parties (without the VIP @tina)

– Kenneth

25.July { Washington }

560059_10151892372622738_364592527_n

so….I’m out here in the pacific north west – a place where people have pumped up the scenic horizons and great outdoors!  A place where that can be quickly outweighed by it raining 700 days out of the year, and the severe lack of melanin induced folk.  For those that don’t know…that can be very unsettling for a person that’s as outspoken concerning race as “i’m is”.

BUT….BUT…I’m willing to be really optimistic about this relocation.  I look forward to walking the streets of Seattle, rocking a pair of Kamikazes looking for Kemp and Ricky Pierce for a game of 21.  I also really look forward to driving about four hours south to Portlandia – looking for Fred Armisan so he can put some birds on some things.

My routine will be key out here – building on what my personal trainer (Kevin) started – I’ll be keeping this statuesque (someone called me that) body of mine on the path of looking amazing.  Healthy eating, hard workouts – and lots of looking at myself in the mirror every five minutes to see if there’s been any drastic changes.

Now…one thing I am looking forward to is EATING some good food – I am a self-proclaimed “foodie” so watch out for the instagram and tumblr pictures of my plates of food with obnoxious hashtags about how awesome I am because I’m eating.  Word on the sidewalk is that Seattle is known for its seafood…well we’ll sea about that.

I’m clever because I used “sea” instead of “see” – did you si that?

– Kenneth