23.Dec { 25 Things That Need to Stay in 2014 }

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So…

The gang of writers at Kennethology got together via google docs, and made a very short and concise listing of things that we feel should stay in 2014.  Needless to say, this list is full of foolery – but we are definitely serious to say the least…and we feel very strongly about every bullet point, and will argue with you to the death regarding them as well….

Please, take this in….

From Kenneth:

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  • Can we leave Drake in 2014 – he needs to become an afterthought.
  • Creases in jeans – the fact that you would break out an ironing board, and prepare your jeans to be creased…and then actually crease them is beyond me.
  • Fox News – and all of those that actually support that foolery…sitting there allowing your psyche and subconscious to absorb such nonsense…i’d delete the whole lot of you – if most of you weren’t so low-key with your racial vices
  • booking info on instagram – chic gets over 1000 followers on IG… now she got clientele and is a model….no negress…you’re followed because your butt cheeks are out, and you’re prolly a THOT
  • hood negros wearing dreads – lets let the 90s vibe of dreads return, so i can grow them and not be associated with the Chief known as Keef.
  • Washington Redskins and all manner of appropriated culture.  The fact that his has to be said in 2014 is ridiculous.  YOU CAN’T DO WHAT YOU WANT AND THINK IT’S OK!
  • Baggy Suits – or anything that looks like what steve harvey might wear.  Get yo lazy tail to the tailor and get a proper suit, also box-set suit and shirt combos are no longer needed in the new year either.
  • Wiz Khalifa and all of his songs, sans “we dem boys” ..because I am indeed one of those boys.
  • Your wack resolutions that you’ll bombard us with on social media.  I applaud your positive outlook on the new year….wait….NO I DON’T – you could’ve start thinking like that 3 months ago…Don’t let a calendar date dictate your level of motivation for self-improvement.  Get your life together.  Geez.  And if I didn’t like the old you – a new you probably won’t be liked either. – go to sleep.

From Sydney:

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  • I want to leave Iggy Azalea in 2014. I’d rather go back and rid myself of her ancestors…but ya know, baby steps
  • Can we leave GMO warnings behind? My granny is 83…been eating all sorts of wrong shit for that long…she still here..ijs
  • THOTs…they are starting to take pride in this label and buy excessive amounts of blonde weave and KSwiss
  • all them little muffoccurs rapping who sound like they are part of the lollipop guild…but drink crack smoothies
  • I want to leave Bae in 2014…it was cute when like 5 of us said it in 1999…but this is just ridiculous…when half of your baes look like bears
  • Keurig Coffee Makers…you don’t even drink coffee…you just like the idea of it being cute…reminds of you of a fancy Easy Bake Oven…
  • Lacefronts: I wanted to leave these in 2012, but between Beyonce and Tyra Banks and Korean shops everywhere, you muffoccurs won’t let them burn.and die out..btw, they would burn very quickly…just saying…in case anyone wants to walk around with a book of matches.
  • Big booty hoes who ain’t Black…What’s the big damn deal about these mixed breed, opaque ass, ⅛ drop of blood ass chicks having big ol butts…Black women have had big asses for CENTURIES…but nobody was all salivatory about it…except Sir Mix A Lot…he might be a prophet.

From Tina:

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  • New Blacks. *looks at Pharrell and all who agree with him*
  • White Guilt  – No one needs your guilt – it doesn’t help anyone. We need your Anger, Action, and for you to be an Ally.
  • Cultural appropriation. See music (Iggy Azalea), films (Exodus movie), hair, dance, basically everything. Mainly because you all look stupid, but also because it’s rude and sometimes racist.
  • Satire News Sites – Because yall don’t know what they are or how to use them… you don’t deserve them.
  • Fkc boys. Say no to them. Every year I ask you all to leave them behind. EVERY.YEAR. I will continue until you listen.
  • Stupid questions. Yes there is such a thing. Especially when you are asking me for an answer that Google will gladly provide to you. All you have to do is ask her – Ms. Google has all of the information you could possibly need. Don’t ask me something you can Google – this policy is effective starting in Jan 1, 2015.
  • Men who rock cornrows. Not to be confused with locs… which… whew *fans self*. Sorry I got sidetracked. No more cornrows. The fact that this even needs to be said. In 2014. That I have to request that you stop this.
  • Ken’s horrible memory – This is unacceptable.  The staff is gonna get a pool together and get you one of those brain exercise games.  We want you to just…..remember better in 2015.

This post has been brought to you by the lovely staff at Kennethology.com – bringing you quality words for your life on the innanets since a couple of years ago.

– Kenneth