19.Sep – Bougie-Ratchet Manifesto – “The Kaep Thing”

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Picture it Sicily …Football season is underway, and you (largely due to your profession) find yourself in a very YT space.  You know the space I’m talking about…where you’re more Trevor Noah, and less Gucci Man Laflare.  Where you bring up 80s hair music (I’m a closet fan) and refrain from even saying Joey Badass.  The lovely place where Connor or Hunter casually walks up to you and inquires about your NFL team and wants to dialogue with you about them.   Do you:

(A) ACK LIKE YOU DON’T EEM LIKE FOOTBALL (which is rare because black) or

(2) START SINGING LIFT EVERY VOICE AND SING IN THE DEACON OR MOTHER BOARD RANGE or…

(TREY) ACTUALLY OPEN THAT CAN OF NIGHT-CRAWLERS

Welllllll If you know me, you know which one I chose because I’m petty, intentional, and an OG Triple OG about mines.

I have politely stated before that “I’m boycotting the NFL so I don’t know what’s going on this year. ” Which is usually enough to get them scurrying along, because most people (that are not being impacted BY the struggle, don’t want to hear anything regarding the struggle) – Basically keep that black-ish over there LeRoy and please tell me your fried chicken secrets (I usually tell them to use catfish grease with hella sugar in the batter).

BUT ALAS, ‘TIS NOT JUST THE WHITE PEOPLE!

The ones that get me, are those of negroidian descent that will clean smooth slide on that FUBU 05 quality football jersey and cheer on as if literally nothing is going on.  I find myself wanting to take my fingernails and start at the top of their head…and slowly peel that beautiful melanin enriched skin that they have…off.  But I can’t get mad at them, I mean we can’t act like every black person was down with the cause just because they grew up in the 60s.  We have a tendency to “magical black personize” older black people with gray hair.  When in fact a lot of them were probably trash, retro F-Boys, or pre-historic turbo-thots.  To them I just stare, with a deep, dark and intentional stare…as to say – “I can’t stand you, you extremely poor excuse and sad representation of our community”

…but hey, I’m just a black man trying to exist as a bougie-ratchet.

  • Kenneth