2018 is going to be lit…why would I make such a bold statement? Well, Tina sent a blog post. This means your lives have been blessed. She’s probably going to cut me or call me and cuss me out for this lil intro – but we on different coasts so I ain’t THAT scared. Also #8 had me in tears this morning.
- There is no such thing as a healthy version of an unhealthy food. It’s just a new food item so stop trying to rename things that are already a thing. Eat your turkey strips in peace, but don’t call them bacon because that comes from a pig. Eat your veggie patties at every summer cookout, but they’re not burgers. To quote Kid Fury, “Cauliflower ain’t got no damn wings, call em bites!”
- I’m exhausted… truly tired of everything labeled as “African-inspired” being animal and/or safari prints & everything labeled “African-print” being wax prints or dashikis. Folks are so lazy even with all of this internet at your disposal?? You all still don’t know how big and diverse that continent is??
- Your fav – whomever they are – IS PROBLEMATIC. EACH AND EVERY ONE. The faster you learn this, the easier life gets. I know it helped me.
- After such an awesome career why does Will Smith insist on making terrible movies now? Does he aspire to be the Mariah Carey of the movie industry? Doing it for s**** and giggles and not caring if he pisses us off or not because he knows most people will hate watch them anyway and he’ll still get his coins/checks with his legacy secure? (I know that was a run-on sentence and I don’t care.)
- White people are full of s***. Like all of the time. Like daily. They love to say idiotic phrases like “black-on-black crime”, but conveniently forget events like Jonestown, Waco, and the TV show Snapped (an entire series dedicated to mostly white folks organizing hits & murdering each other for insurance money instead of just breaking up). But yea… whatever. POCs are the violent, law-breakers. Ok, then. *rolls eyes*
- Speaking of white people, why do y’all insist on creating these robots that we all know will eventually turn on us and kill us? Why are y’all so eager to die? And can you please leave me out of it?
- Who keeps putting microphones in front of Steve Harvey’s face??
- People don’t bother to read anything anymore – books, articles, blogs, street signs… NOTHING.
- I don’t like being forced to choose a “favorite” anything. Why can’t I just like all of the things I want to equally?
- Is the lesson we’re supposed to learn from The Sex & The City series and the Bridget Jones trilogy that if you stick with a non-committal dude until your 40s he might actually get his shit together (after other failed marriages) and marry you? Because fkc that – I’m going to pass. Also, why isn’t the Bridget Jones trilogy a box-set yet?!?!? WHY???
- Why do white people insist on putting mayo on everything? Why was there TWO LAYERS of mayo on my taco (coleslaw and aioli?? what did tacos do to you??). Also stop coming up with new names for mayo like aioli!! Sidebar: So yall came up with a new name for seasoned mayo, but can’t find a different name for “turkey bacon”???
- Everything doesn’t need a timeline. WHY DOES MY BIBLE APP HAVE A TIMELINE?!?!?!