I recently took suggestions from readers on topics they wanted to see me word vomit on…and one that caught my attention was “whether or not men and women can be friends” – in a true platonic state.
Bottom Line Up Front: No, Nope, Nawl, *shakes head no*, gives the thumbs down.
And oddly enough I say this while having women as friends *gasps* – so here we go diving with an uncomfortable level of transparency.
What I mean here, and if I can be extremely frank, is this. Unless the person is really unattractive to the other then yes – and even in those cases, their personalities begin to look good. I can only speak from a man’s perspective. I know women are weird and complex…so they could probably compartmentalize their dealing with men-friends and have this authentic friendship with a man and live in this euphoric platonic state. But if I may allow my penis to speak for minute…if the woman is attractive, he’s thought about sleeping with her at least 800,476 times (and that’s just today).
(i typed the below in all caps because i’m serious)
IF HE WAS OFFERED SOME SEXY TIME WITH HER…QUITE POSSIBLY WITH ZERO STRINGS ATTACHED (even though we know all of the strings will be attached) HE’S GOING TO SHOW UP TO THE NIGHT SHOW WITH SOMETHING RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE, A CARAFE OF KY, A DUMB LOOK ON HIS FACE….AAAAAAND HIS JODECI “BEAT IT UP” MIX CD.
Women, you may not know this to be true because of one or two reasons.
- He respects you and doesn’t want to cross those lines (without knowing where you are with him…which in essence is just fear of rejection)
- He’s just too scared to ask for sex (because of fear of rejection) ….dang, that fragile masculinity is a trip no?
If you’re having a hard time believing this…..just offer a couple of your male friends some “prime time” – if he says no…he’s lying. If he says yes…I told you so. They all want it.
I must say – the only absolute is that there are no absolutes. The exceptions to this scientific fact are:
- you’re ugly
- you stank
- your personality is beyond horrible
- he’s gay
Admittedly, this probably the laziest post I’ve ever written, but I’m working on not policing myself as much in 2016 and in general I think I’m funny (save your commentary for yourself).
So last night was the final State of the Union (SOTU) address that we will get from Pres. Barack Obama (POTUS) and I was sad about that. ‘Why?’ you ask? Because he’s the first President I’ve seen that has made these interesting. You may or may not like his politics, but you must concede that this man is charming, has charisma, and knows how to give an engaging speech with *just* the right amount of sarcasm and snark (2 things I enjoy the most). But also…. #Blackness. Yes, I said that. And yes, I mean it. So it shouldn’t be surprising that there were AfAms gathered across the country for SOTU Watch Parties – because Blacks will always throw a party. Why? Simple, we are good at it.
So I – in all of glorious Blackness – joined my fellow Bougie Black Comrades. We gathered. We introduced. We drank. We watch-partied. I must admit, I was expecting one of the Blackest Presidential moments in history. My dream was for POTUS to mimic Michael B. Jordan’s fight entrance in CREED, including wearing a hood (robe optional) and blasting 2Pac’s ‘Hail Mary’ in the background, but I guess that was asking for too much. Either way, below is my non-political commentary throughout POTUS’ address provided through a combination of my FB feed posts, live commentary, and random thoughts.
- I expect shade. I expect petty. #LehGo LOL
- 2ND line in…. Shade. #StartedEarly (Re: POTUS’ line about folks needing to get back to Iowa and his availability to give tips/advice.)
- Who’s church mother is this next to Jill Biden in her Easter outfit? I need answers. #SOTU (Luvvie provided them. Thanks!) <She looks like her middle name is ‘Mae’>
- Paul Ryan REFUSES to allow his face to move. It’s like the GOP has banned any emotional reaction to anything the POTUS says.
- #ClimateControlShade – “…If anybody still wants to dispute the science around climate change, have at it. You’ll be pretty lonely.” lol”
- 1. Income & Economic Equality; 2. Education; 3. Climate Change; NOW >> 4. Foreign Policy…. #SOTU
- OH!!!!! Now all the heads of the military wanna stand up???? #petty #SOTU
- GOP won’t even clap for shit they agree with. #childish #WhySoPetty #SOTU lol
- #AskOsamaBinLaden #ClapbackSeason #LASTSOTU
- Aye! Ryan just gave us a head nod! This is progress. More than we’ve gotten in 8 years from Boehner.
- #Message “It’s the lesson of Vietnam. it’s the lesson of Iraq and we should have learned it by now.” -POTUS #SOTU
- CSPAN has the shadiest camera men. Lmao! #SOTU
- “Did someone just yell ‘Preach’?” (I heard it…. I’m telling you I heard it.)
- “Who is this lady standing in agreeance? This is not church ma’am.”
- Who invited the anti-marriage equality lady? And why did they ONLY tell her to wear her absolute finest sweater from Ross Dress For Less? #shade
- I mean…. I feel for Congress. this is like the LONGEST staff meeting ever. and you gotta do it once a year. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’ve dozed off once or twice. LOL #SOTU
- We just got a clap from Paul Ryan. This much progress in one evening… gives me hope.
- “POTUS and Uncle Joe look like they’re going to have the greatest party ever when they leave that White House. And Jill will be with them…. never forget she wore knee boots to the first inauguration. That one knows how to party & I respect it.
- We can’t take Trevor Noah ANYWHERE! #STOU
- But the REAL winner of tonight…. With the fashionable slay…. #FLOTUS – you see her. Lol
- I wanted POTUS to walk out with Back2Back playing in the background…#TooMuch ??
Jokes aside…. I feel a level of responsibility in wrapping this up the right way. So allow me 2 quick points and then I’m gone.
- A friend brought up a REALLY great point which is that these responses to the State of the Union address need to stop and that is a note for BOTH sides. What is the point or the purpose in it? I mean really? That’s like the CEO giving an address on their vision for your company and then the Chairman of the Board of Directors saying, “That’s cute, but….”. Because really… I DON’T CARE. Because really I just want BOTH OF YALL to make sure my check comes through ON TIME. Whatever and however you need to work together to do it… make it happen. Your personal beefs and opinions… keep them.
- And also…. Nikki Haley. WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE. Every single time she uses that “child of immigrants in the South” line I cannot help but to roll my eyes. She looks like she’s been passing her whole life – rejected all of her melanin and her identity.SHE GOES BY NIKKI HALEY. Someone else said it best when they commented: “And now for the Grand Old Party response from South Carolina Governor, Nimrata Randhawa, or as she now identifys, Nikki Haley.” That was shade in case you are wondering, but it is also fact. If you are trolling for POC, 1stGen, or immigrant votes – you will have to do better, ma’am. You deal with folks misspelling and verbally destroying your God-given name like the rest of us or I have no time for you and your antics.
If you missed the 2016 SOTU you can read POTUS’ full speech HERE
or watch it on YouTube
. Yes, it is long, but if this was some stripper’s Twitter tale of her weekend in Tampa on Twitter you’d make the time…. so make the time now.
But really FLOTUS slayed though. It is important to me that yall get that. Check her Evolution of Slay below/above/where ever he puts the picture… YOU SEE HER