11.Jun – { A Worm’s Place in the Animal Kingdom }

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LeBron is a huge worm.

Like…big enough for people to be like “maaaaan, that’s a huge worm” – but not enough to be concerned with.  Look, I’m a coach – and probably the most brilliant coach to ever live. With that being said my assessment of Lebron Orenthal James is pretty solid.  He just uses blunt force to bully his way to the basket – and when teams crowd the basket to attempt to slow him down – he dishes.  It’s simple basketball.  He’s an amazing athlete but he’s still a huge worm.  There are other players that are killers, the players that can be likened to crazy animals that kill people for fun with no remorse – animals like sharks, lions, tigers, pit bulls, and white people.  Animals that smell blood and kill the weak.  LeBron is not built like that.  With some people you can tell that something is not in them – like….if i were to compare it to hanging out with him – I wouldn’t hit the streets with him….at all.  He would be the dude that ran if someone rushed you and the squad.  He would be trey in the backseat of the car “Let me out” face…..  He’s not O-Dogg, He’s not Bishop …He’s Deangelo Barksdale, Eddie Winslow, Theo Huxtable.

LeBron and Chris playing violin and singing.

LeBron and Chris playing violin and singing.

He completely disappears when he’s needed…well, there was that ONE game when he snapped for 25 in the 4th quarter against the Pistons about 94 years ago.  He travels uncontrollably, feels like he’s entitled, and is simply a WORM…a big WORM.

Kobe, the last great killer in the animal kingdom…Mr. Black Mamba himself was asked who has the torch next – he said Steph and Clay…you don’t mention worms when talking about predators.  Kobe said they were stone cold killers, and could be counted on at the end of games.  Daaaaaaaaaang Kobe.

In closing, shut up.

Lebron is good – a good all around player, a great all around player…but he’s not one to bring his team to the next level to win a ring.  I mean, you see where he had to take his talents in order to get the rings he has now.

*Donald Trump Shrugs

  • Kenneth

15.Dec – { Why Jay Cutler Can’t Be Great }

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so…

I’m sitting here listening to one of my haters (mike) as he mocks me, whilst i blog…he says that I need a deeper v-neck…because my moobs aren’t showing enough.  He’s such a pig…and my moobs aren’t nearly as big as they were about a week ago.

I gathered my manly things to watch a good football game.  Me and this couch and MNF…im chanting BEARDOWN and I’m ready to GO!  Mike got a growler but i haven’t had any of it yet….perhaps after this post i shall partake….anywho, on to the clown of the hour.

The game had been on for 2 minutes…and i had already starting thinking of the Blackhawks and Bulls…what the heezy is going on?

This cat Jay Cutler was out there throwing like Napolean Dynamite’s uncle.  I hadn’t had chest pains like this from watching a football game since watching Mr. Grossman toss the pigskin back in 2007.  Then he gets on national television with that douchy face that i just want to punch.  Why did he get that contract? Why is he our quarterback? I honestly cannot remember the last season where I was not interested in watching the Bears play…at all.  Honestly I had forgotten that they even had a game tonight, a couple of Saints fans on FB (unbeknownst to them) informed me that they were playing the Bears.  Jay Cutler is the sole reason I don’t want to watch them play…that, and the fact that the Bears defense is fundamentally non-existent.  I’m sure George Hallas is not happy about this.  Did we pick up Jared Allen? …Oh ok.

Jay Cutler can’t be great, because it is simply not in him to be great.  It is however, in him to be mediocre at best….and as of late – horrific.  I will say this – I am not watching another Bears game this season…that’s right, I’m on a Bearcott.  Sundays will be dedicated to listening to John P. Kee and writing, and whenever the Bears are playing, I’ll watch youtube clips of Ditka and stare at my Dick Butkus jersey…because this isn’t life, and I don’t have to put of with this misery.

– Kenneth